sexta-feira, 23 de novembro de 2018

i never believed we'd survive

i never expected we'd grow this old
or see both of us in this place.
i never believed we'd survive those years
those hard days and those fears
but - look at us - we did it
to cry over new spaces
created through the loss.
i fill gaps with words as i used to
only because i miss the way
we deciphered our languages,
their symbols and their codes.
i fill gaps with words as i used to
because the emptiness is unbearable.

i got into the train and a man
in front of me started to search
the lotto result on google
and behind me another man
wearing a t-shirt with letters
i could read on the glass
- tenha um bom dia -
("aid mob mu ahnet" in the reflex).
he didn't know me or notice me
nor could imagine that at 11 pm
my day was prohibited to be good.

the train went slowly through the railway
making me think about little tragedies
we experienced in this lifetime.
once again, i thought,
once again memories rise
and feelings crumble.
i never expected we'd arrive at this age
when we perceive that desperation
and weakness were left behind
and nobody knows - or wants to know - where.
because between são bento station
and the exit of jardim são paulo
i remembered in a flash
adventures of our young selves
feeling the pulse of blood and flesh
so close and untouchable as a red firework.

i fill gaps with words because there is no
other way to suffer and surpass suffering.
i never expected to see the world end again.
if it wasn't too late, if i wasn't so sad,
i would describe the angry movement
of an old man ripping lotto tickets
and tell how life, fate and chance
play an unfortunate fortuitous game with us.
we can survive but never  win.

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